"Girlfriend, don't let this man hurt your dignity."

As I’ve become older there is one thing that really frustrates me about our culture and really, it would be the mentality of some people. I was talking to The Holy Spirit about some things and was asking Him some questions about something we talked about for a long time. I kept on asking Him the same question over and over again wanting more revelation on the topic of fornication and as I fell asleep, he answered my question. Basically, the revelation is that when a man lays with a woman before marrying her he is hurting her dignity (and his too.)

Sometimes, when The Holy Spirit gives me revelation and uses certain words, I find it best not to assume I know the meaning. But really, He’s led me to look up the word He gives in the dictionary and then gives me expansion and confirmation. So, I looked up the word ‘dignity’ and the first definition that fits this context of conversation according to meriam-webster.com is: the quality or state of being worthy, honored, or esteemed. But seriously, this came right from the mouth of God and if He says it, then you know it’s true!

Let’s replace the word dignity as The Holy Spirit used and rephrase His sentence for expansion and amplification. The Holy Spirit is saying that when a man lays with a woman before marrying her, he is hurting her quality, her state of being worthy, honored and esteemed. When you think about it, this is so true because how many men do you see lining up to marry prostitutes, strippers, or pornographic actresses? Then, you go on further and think about how many of us black women have been disrespected by living with someone for ten years and wondering why we aren’t married? It’s because our state of worthiness, honor and esteem has been lowered in the mind of the man they are living with.

How can I explain this in more detail? Okay, when God said “Let there be light,” Gen. 1:3, there was light, right? Obviously or we’d be walking around in the dark. God has said that His word does not return unto Him void but goes out and accomplishes that which it is intended to; Isaiah 55:11. Let me show you the parallel of how God’s Word operates. Whatever He says is truth and will come to pass, just as He said let there be light and there was light. In the same way, when He says that a man hurts a woman’s dignity when he lays with her before marriage this means that it is truth. It should be evident when looking at today’s society; approx. the majority of black children are born out-of-wedlock. Obviously, somebody’s having sex but not many black men are stepping up to the plate to say, “I’m going to marry this woman.” It’s because God’s Word won’t return unto Him void but comes to past by the value of the woman being diminished to the man, so he doesn’t want or have a natural desire to marry her. I’ve seen it countless of times with those in my family and have to shake my head wondering, “When will some black women get it?”

Let me say it again in case it flew over your head; whether the people involved in fornication know it or not, God’s Word is going to come to past. So, this man may be somewhat in love with the woman but since God Word is going to be accomplished, her value is still going to be diminished. If you have a diamond ring w/ a estimated value and tag price of 10k and a cubic zirconia ring w/ an estimated value and tag price of $5; would you pay more than $5 for the cubic zirconia ring? The estimated value is the person’s actions and how you perceive their value while the tag price is how you treat them. Is a man going to say your worthy to be married and pay with his actions of 10K or treat you to being a live-in girlfriend for five years, have 3 kids, break-up and then turn around and marry someone else in a 6 months?

Now, the question is: When are we as woman going to stand up and say, “I don’t want someone to just use my vagina and throw me to the side!” I see it almost as if you would use a tissue and throw it away, or use a towel and you have to get a new one. When you use something you are getting a benefit from it or else, you wouldn’t want it? Could you imagine how dirty a towel would look if one man hopped out of the shower and used it 300 times, and then another one comes along uses it 50 times over 6 months, oh and then you fall in love again, so another man comes and uses your towel again. That’s how habitual sin makes your towel, dirty. Well, no one wants to buy a dirty towel but as The Holy Spirit says, “When your married, you won’t have to worry about your towel getting dirty because the sin isn’t present.” So, for every pauper who wants to use your towel, there are 10 kings standing in line to love and marry you; towel included. *wink*

Wow, I'm on a roll. I think I'll do more on this topic. LOL

“I almost got in a bad car accident!”

My friend’s 23rd birthday was this Saturday and towards the end of the night, we went out to Dave and Buster’s in Utica. Well, even when my friends dragged me to night clubs I still was never a night-club person. All I can say about that is the spirit of God has always thrived with me. So, my whole point in brining this up is that my friend and I left Dave and Buster’s around 1:30 p.m. and on the way home, I swerved into the other lane of traffic but The Holy Spirit woke me up!

We were big kids in Dave and Buster’s but as 1 a.m. approached, the simple thought of having to drive all the way back to Detroit made me even more tired. But you know, I tried to be a good friend and not say anything. So, it starts to snow and I have to drive down Van Dyke all the way from Utica instead of taking the expressway because I-94 W is very dark around Hall Road and plus, it was snowing. As soon as we get in the car, my friend falls asleep, head nodding forward like she’s going to hit the dashboard.

I’m feeling so sleepy and Van Dyke has three lanes on traffic on either side with a turning lane separating each direction of traffic. I don’t know how it happened but I actually fell asleep and swerved into the turning lane of traffic and please believe that the I was less than 15 feet away from crashing into oncoming traffic. How I woke up – The Holy Spirit gave me a sharp jolt in my spirit and I woke up but if it wasn’t for Him, I may not be writing this today.

The lesson learned here is that since I am the driver, I have to either take a short 10-15 minute power nap before leaving for the next destination or TELL my friends when we are leaving. My friend has no idea we almost got in a car accident because umm…yeah, she was sleep. If I had a choice, I would love to be a passenger but knowing what happened to me last Saturday will make me stay awake for my own personal safety and for the lives of others.

How To Hear The Voice of The Lord

Okay, my good friends are completely surprised as I am still amazed with how God The Holy Spirit speaks to me. I know that if I had been consistently seeking God during most of my life as I have in the past years that I would be much closer to Him. But I’m glad to be where I am now. Any how, there are times when God will speak to me and tell me things and they will happen that exact way sometimes two years later or months later. He’ll tell me the names and ages of people I've never met a day in my life-and then I'll meet them-shocking yet uber cool. In the morning (actually throughout the whole day) I talk to Jesus Christ and The Holy Spirit...yeah, it's like that. Anyhow, my friends are still a little shocked that what I tell them comes to pass so I guess this is my guide to helping you be shocked by the glory of God.

I sort of analyze the meaning of symbols, phrases and the culture of the United States as a whole and started thinking about the label of “Christian.” I mean, The United States of America would be considered a Christian nation but are we really? So, one of my qualifiers besides the fruit a person bears is, “Can he/she hear the voice of the Lord?” Simply put, Christian means anointed one and across the world, the phrase is synonomous with being a follower of Jesus Christ. But I had to be real with myself one day and ask, “How can I say I am a follower of Jesus Christ when I don’t even know His voice?” It’s a long story but some years ago God had placed me around some very anointed people and I found out that God speaks to people just as easily as I speak with my friends. I’ve had situations in my life that I didn’t know how to handle, perhaps a conversation with a supervisor or a friend but God told me exactly what to do. When I listened, everything turned out even better than I imagined!

Think about it; when you spend time with someone you begin to know their voice…right? If my mom called me today, I would say, “Hey, that’s my mom!” I wouldn’t say the latter verbatim and certainly not so Brady-bunch gung-ho but subconsciously, I’d know it was my mom. Well, when you spend time with God you begin to know his voice but beware, you are going to have to be persistent and keep seeking his face. My mom isn’t at the spiritual level I’m at now but she’s learning a lot from me and she always says, “Well, I did pray about that once.” And since she’s new to hearing His voice, “I always respond, ‘You have to keep on asking, knocking and seeking until you get a yay, nay or wait.” Don’t just give up because I assure you, in the end it is sooooo worth it!

Also, when you first start seeking the face of God you have to be very careful until you start learning his voice and test the spirits. That’s what the scriptures tell us to do. Basically, when you test the spirits you must be aware that there are also evil spirits in the spiritual realm so if you believe that The Holy Spirit or God has spoken to you, then you can test the spirit or God by saying, “Who is Lord?” God The Holy Spirit would respond, "Jesus", or "Jesus Christ" or "Jesus is Lord" but if you hear nothing, or something else then of course it isn't God. So, in the name of Jesus Christ bind the spirit and cast it into spiritual wilderness until God's judgment. 3Therefore I tell you that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, "Jesus be cursed," and no one can say, "Jesus is Lord," except by the Holy Spirit. 1 Corinthians 12:2-3.

Okay, I’ll have more about hearing the voice of the Lord throughout my posts because I believe it is a vital component as followers of Jesus Christ.

Ciao!

“He went to Jared!” and “Baby, will you marry me?”

So, I figured out that one of my passions in life is event planning and that the idea of planning someone’s wedding is definitely on my “to do” list. But while I’m all into David Tutera’s My Fair Wedding show, I’m also wondering about everything that takes place before the actual wedding ceremony and reception.

Now, everyone knows the Jared jewelry commercial where they really do a great job in branding their name and making Jared seem as if it is actually on the level of Tiffany and Company. But c’mon, even if Tiffany’s modern day success if partially because of its legacy and the movie Breakfast at Tiffany’s, Jared can’t compete! I don’t mean to diss’ Jared but they have to really get on the grind with their public relations and marketing if they want women to ask for Jared ring instead of a Tiffany ring. At the same time, I’m feeling that the average working man around my age may only be making 2k net at the least, maybe even less for some.

So, is it wrong for a woman who loves Tiffany and has always dreamed of a Tiffany engagement ring to expect something different? Tis’ the question: to buy Tiffany or not to buy Tiffany? I mean, I know you ladies feel the same way as I do; I want something nice but I don’t want to break this man’s bank! But, on the other hand as I told my best friend Jessica, most men always have some type of money saved up for a rainy day. I even had a friend of 23 years of age saving up money for an engagement ring so that when he did find that special, rare, one-of-a-kind woman he could easily propose to her? I guess I’m going back-and-forth because I want to be fair but really, if someone 23 could think of doing this then why should we hold our significant others to a lesser-standard? I mean, after all don’t we want someone that has discipline to budget his money properly? I figure, if I can say, “Well, instead of going out to dine every other week, I’m going to save or budget my money to do this,” then why can’t he? Not that I’m trying to break up any of your relationships but if your boyfriend doesn’t have the discipline to budget properly, then umm, how can he budget the finances of your household as a future husband and father? It's a good question and I'm not condemning him because discipline can help him get where he needs to be so don't feel as if I'm trying to be a bearer of bad news.

Now, the next thing is about how men express emotion and when finally pops the big question: Baby, will you marry me? All the time, you see on movies how men will make a really huge deal out of asking their woman to marry them because it is a huge deal! Well, when I was a junior I had a class with a young woman who started her own event planning business. I don’t think she mines me writing about her business which is Opal E Event Planning and b.t.w., she’s always been on the up-and-up with everything throughout the whole time I’ve known her. Anyhow, she evens helps with the proposal coordination! I mean, we want something really nice that shows he cares and put some thought into it! It is so easy to research and google search terms like: different ways to propose marriage; romantic marriage proposal ideas; asking a woman to marry you, etc. But if all else fails, they can get someone to help them so we shouldn't settle for less.

So, we have Tiffany not Jared and romantic proposal vs. non-romantic proposal. Not asking for much but for now, I'll digress. Oy vey! LOL.

Beware of Buying Candles at Burlington Coat Factory!

Well, I’m not a big fan or Burlington Coat Factory (BCF). It’s not a bad store but you just have to be careful about what you buy there because certain things, like scented candles are just plain unscented! Anyhow, one day my mom asks me to go to BCF with her and she’s my mom so I really don’t like to hang out with her like a good friend but never-the-less, I went just to be a good daughter. Off Topic: But why is it that moms sometimes think that they are suppose to hang out with their daughters like they are middle-aged friends? Anyhow, I’m looking around in the store and I pick up a new laundry hamper and then went to look at the scented candles trying to get my aromatherapy on.

I exit the store all happy about my purchase of Bill Blass Candles so elegantly packaged and adorned with a gold organza ribbon with gold piping. I mean, Bill Blass is supposedly the iconic clothing designer of the 1980s so what could be so bad about buying candles from his company? Well, maybe it wasn’t his company but rather the fact that the candles were probably just as old as his company or at least old enough for there not to be any scent whatsoever. I was upset to say the least and told my mom about it and she says, “Well, you can’t buy stuff like that at BCF.” I guess you learn something new everyday. I’m still a campaigner for being a girly-girl and pampering yourself at the end of a long day but buying candles from stores like BCF is not definitely a bad idea. My advice is to stick with Bath and Body Works.

How Your Sexual History Relates to the Kelly Blue Book

As I’ve said before, there are so many facets to my being that sometimes men simply choose to believe aren’t true or too good to be true. Yeah, I’ve heard this one before and don't buy the "too good to be true" because I'm standing right here. LOL. But it’s taken me some time to realize what was going on but I’ve finally come to figure some things out about the male species. Last week, we were talking about how men respect women who respect themselves and I guess this is kind of a follow-up. I think that black men today have lowered their standard for black women so much, that when they encounter a real women who upholds a standard they can't believe it! I’ve had the opportunity to talk to some real black men in my lifetime and have figured out that a lot of men see a woman’s sexual history as a Kelly Blue Book value.

You know, I don’t know if it’s something innate or sociological but I’m leaning more towards innate. I’m speaking of the fact that men tend to become very protective of the women they care about, especially after they’ve had sexual intercourse with that woman. They tend to see the woman as their prized possession, which the bible does speak of a wife’s body belonging to her husband and vice versa. I remember the movie The Best Man with Morris Chestnut as Lance and Monica Calhoun playing his fiancé named Mia. Lance was just bumpin’ and grindin’ with all these groupie "women", while on the other hand Monica was so faithful and had him as her only sexual partner. Now, I’m not advocating fornication but simply pointing out how Lance became sooooo angry when she had sex with someone else after he’d been with all these women. Granted, it was his best friend so I think that was just awful and very childish of her but because he loved her, he still wanted to protect her. How could he do this when she’s giving the most precious, sacred part of herself away like it was candy? In the same sense, he was wrong but he still was protective of her in all of his shenanigans.

Now, let’s say that you have twins named Jessica and Quiana and both have everything comparable; caring, smart, funny, beautiful eyes, smile, hair, body shape, community volunteerism, college educated, upwardly mobile, etc. Okay, there’s one thing that isn’t comparable though. Quiana Car Fax history shows that 15 men have owned her car before while Jessica Car Fax history says 2? It’s a lot of competition out here so with 7 black men to 1 black woman and with men being who they are anyway; who do you think they are going to choose? I believe it just goes back to human nature; everyone wants something as new and shiny as possible and no one wants to get a used gift. And with the epidemic of HIV going around in my race and the fact that black women are 40% of new HIV cases, it’s more “safe” to choose the Jessica anyway.

In the past, I’ve had much older men say things to me like, “Oh, your so fresh and refined,” and that “a lot of my women my age are damaged.” Gee, I wonder how they became damaged? From men like you who’ve messed over them and then when they are in their late 30s and early 40s, you don’t want them anymore. So, I’m in my early twenties and you are wayyyy older than me and have been bumping and grinding for more years than I’ve been out of High School and NOW, you want someone fresh and refined that’s not damaged? I've learned that certain men are just not going to believe the truth because it makes it easier for them to try and use you; and I'm not into arguing..."just leave em' alone." You ladies already know how I describe our bodies as being the bolt and it’s imperative that along with keeping the outside together that our Kelly Blue Book value and Car Fax report makes the next man you become romantically involved with say, “Danggggg, it’s like that?” or in other words make him say, “wow” because that’s what real kings want…someone rare and beautiful. And if he doesn't belive you, then obviously he's not a real king or "the one" for you!

He's In Love With A Stripper-The Real Strippers of Detroit Part II

So, here is the follow up and hopefully you'll be able to get through the whole post.

Besides what's been mentioned in previous post, in the stripping industry, oral sex is not “real sex.” So, what happens is that sometimes the men will say, “Ay, baby girl. Let me holla at you after the club.” Now, the strippers know what that means but sometimes things happen in the private room. Let’s remember that we have evil spirits around inducing them to do this behavior. Does it really sound far-fetched to you that evil spirits like activity that does not glorify God? Now, you have men reducing women to their mouths when God didn’t intend for this to be at all. It’s disgusting that they would not look at women for their full value but instead as an object to fulfill their desires but at the same time, they want their daughters and sisters to be respected…yet can’t do it themselves. Now the question is: How many different men will have proposed my cousin in a week? And it's like this, if a light bill needs to be paid or she has to "make ends meet" then it's all good. What man will ever want to kiss her, spend time with her, respect her and let alone marry her knowing she's does all this to other men? I just know that if it was a man going around stripping, performing services for women that I wouldn't want him to touch me with a ten-foot pole. I'd pray for him but I couldn't be with him and that's why The Holy Spirit is constantly telling me to pray for her to get out of this lifestlye.

Now, let’s talk about spirits of perversion. In strip clubs, bisexuality is glorified but men often fail to think about the spiritual aspect. If they are in a strip club and a woman has the spirit of perversion attached to her, don’t they think that advocating this behavior will leave them open to the spirit also? So, the enemy may begin to attack them in their dream life or their mind and they have no idea why. I’ve heard a pastor also say it about pornography; it’s not just a woman that is physically uncovered or naked but also a man and a person’s mind is just like a camera and captures everything. Look at what Lord Jesus says, “ 22"The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. 23But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!” The Holy Spirit told me that this is not just a figurative saying but really a spiritual one and that when you look at something in an unpure way, you are letting darkness into your body. And last thing about these spirits of perversion; people wonder why little Pookie wound up in a certain lifestyle when he had both parents thinking that is the only way a person can be homosexual. Let’s not forget that Pookie’s father or brother or grandfather carried the spirit of perversion home with him. That’s another story though.

What can we learn from part of my cousin’s experience? Well, we already know that men don’t respect strippers but moreso, the spiritual aspect of it can be reaped for many years. As women, we need to pray for the men in our life because the enemy makes it seem like something alluring or fun. Proverbs 5:3-5 We have to petition and cry out to God on their behalf to keep their steps going down the straight and narrow path because they do tend to admire the visual aspect of women. But when the blood rushes to the wrong places on the body it is not admiration. Also, ask God to speak to them and anoint their eyes, ears, mind, spirit and heart to know His voice and hearken diligently unto His voice. So, let’s say that they do end up going to the strip club with their friend or cousin; The Holy Spirit will be there in their ear talking to them saying, “You shouldn’t be hear,” or they will feel a strong sense of conviction. Also, bind the spirits that God is telling you to in the name of Jesus Christ so they will not be able to work in his life. That’s all I got for now but I pray it has helped you or the man in your life in some way. I'll be back with more so stay tuned.