5 Signs of an Abusive Man

So, these past two months people, especially black women have been really dogging this young lady Rihanna out. I mean, it's so bad; people are saying she should've died when they thought she was pressing charges against Chris Brown and just really mean things. But I've known of some young women who were in abusive relationships before and thank God they are out now but looking at them, you wouldn't think they'd be the 'type' to be in that kind of relationship. People didn't think Rihanna was the 'type' nor did people think Halle Berry was the type but it's not really about being pretty or beautiful, it about the inside traits that lead people to go through these hardships.

*JACKED*
JealousyAt the beginning of a relationship, an abuser will always say the jealousy is a sign of love. He/she may question you about whom you have spoken to or seen during the day, may accuse you of flirting, or be jealous of time you spend with family, friends, children or hobbies which do not include him/her. As the jealousy progresses, he/she may call you frequently during the day or drop by unexpectedly. He may be unhappy about or refuse to let you work for fear you'll meet someone else, check the car mileage or ask friends to keep an eye on you. Jealousy is not proof of love, it is a sign of insecurity and possessiveness.

Controlling BehaviourControlling behaviour is often disguised or excused as concern. Concern for your safety, your emotional or mental health, the need to use your time well, or to make sensible decisions. Your abuser may be angry or upset if you are 'late' coming back from work, shopping, visiting friends, etc., even if you told him/her you would be later back than usual. Your abuser may question you closely about where you were, whom you spoke to, the content of every conversation you held, or why you did something he/she was not involved in. As this behaviour gets worse, you may not be allowed to make personal decisions about the house, clothing, going to church or how you spend your time or money or even make you ask for permission to leave the house or room. Alternately, he/she may theoretically allow you your own decisions, but penalise you for making the wrong ones. Concern for our loved ones to a certain extent is normal - trying to control their every move is not.

Quick Involvement
Many victims of abuse dated or knew their abuser for less than six months before they were engaged or living together. The abuser will often claim 'love at first sight', that you are 'made for each other', or that you are the only person whom he could ever talk to so openly, feel so at home with, could understand him so well. He/she may tell you that they have never loved anyone so much or felt so loved by anyone so much before, when you have really only known each other for a short amount of time. He/she needs someone desperately, and will pressure you to commit to him/her or make love before you feel the relationship has reached 'that stage'. He/she may also make you feel guilty for not committing yourself to him/her.

Unrealistic Expectations
The abuser may expects you to be the perfect husband, wife, mother, father, lover, and friend. He/she is very dependent on you for all his/her needs, and may tell you he/she can fulfil all your needs as lover, friend, and companion. Statements such as: 'lf you love me, I'm all you need.', 'You are all I need.' are common. Your abuser may expect you to provide everything for him/her emotionally, practically, financially or spiritually, and then blame you for not being perfect or living up to expectation.

Isolation
The abuser may try to curtail your social interaction. He/she may prevent you from spending time with your friends or family and demand that you only go places 'together'. He/she may accuse you of being 'tied to your mother's apron strings', not be committed to the relationship, or view people who are your personal friends as 'causing trouble' or 'trying to put a wedge' between you. He/she may want to live in the country without a phone, not let you use the car, stop you from working or gaining further education or qualifications.

I wanted to add that these men are master manipulators. They know which strings to pull and even do so just to get a reaction out of you; it's like a game or fun to them. One way that wasn't mentioned in the signs above is that you should never feel afraid or scared of their reaction if you did something you know they would probably go "balistic" about, like calling them an hour or two later than you said. They will use their anger as a way to make you scared of them and guilty if you don't do something they want. It's best that you safely exit the relationship now because it will only get worse.

If they are constantly saying stuff like, "I oughta' slap the * * out of you," then what makes you think they won't actually do it one day? You are so much better than that and deserved to be treated like a queen.